The Art of Being Okay
“How are you?”
The age old question we have asked and have been asked for as long as any one of us can remember. I remember learning at a young age by watching people engage with one another that when someone asks how you are, you simply respond that you are doing well and reciprocate the question in which they would then tell you the same. It doesn’t matter how you are actually doing, it’s just an opener to conducting other conversation and if you’re honest, it usually leads to making the other person uncomfortable. I think that we’ve come a long way just in my lifetime when it comes to normalizing mental health, but let’s be honest with ourselves, we still fake it through the conversation. It could be the fear of what someone might think or fear of making the “thing” more real to you by talking about it. It could be how you were raised; to be tough and to keep your chin up even when it feels like it weighs a million pounds. It could be for a thousand reasons, but that doesn’t change the fact that we. still. do. it.
As the age of social media has risen, we all know about the rose colored glass affect it has on our lives and how we present ourselves to the world. Largely, it’s a place for people to share their happiest, most outstanding moments. And then here you are, sitting at work drooling over vacation pictures an influencer took on their seventh trip to Bali. Seeing the crop of shining new engagement rings on your feed every holiday season while you’re fighting with your partner for the second time this week. Watching a video of a high school friend announce the gender of their baby while you’re still trying to no avail. It gives you that, “single on Valentine’s Day” vibe every day. Now, we all know it’s not real life, but that doesn’t mean that those negative feelings you feel aren’t valid. So let’s get real for a second.
I personally have had anxiety for as long as I can remember and am very thankful that I’ve found ways which have made it more of a low hum in my life rather than a marching band behind me at all times. That being said, I have had an ebb and flow of challenging periods where I wasn’t finding time for my mental health and that band was 24/7. The first time I really struggled was in high school. The pressure of getting ready for college, trying to maintain some semblance of a social life, and being a teenage girl had my anxiety literally dictating my life. I shared a duplex with my grandparents growing up and they were literal angels. I remember going to my Non and without even saying a word she gave me the biggest hug and uttered something I would then live by for the rest of my life. She said, “You can’t pour tea from an empty cup and you can’t give love to others if you don’t have any to give to even yourself.” I mean. Wow. That was the first time I really acknowledged that the problem was me. I wasn’t taking the time to take care of myself. I was going through life telling people I was fine when they asked when clearly I wasn’t and finally talking about it made me feel like I had shed a hundred pounds. Thats where my intentional and thoughtful mental health journey began and I’ve been working at it ever since.
I’m here to tell you something that people seem to skip over when talking about mental health. Whether you have anxiety, depression, the seasonal blues, pandemic panic, untreated trauma, or any other type of mental health going on, it’s okay to NOT be okay. I’ve noticed that people are so busy chasing that holy grail, the“okay”, that they completely exhaust themselves. It’s like placing a bandaid on a bullet wound. It’s perfectly okay to embrace what you feel and embrace the garbage in order to understand it and treat it with intention, but it’d also important to remember that you can’t just stay there either. Dig deep to find the roots, talk to your friends and loved ones, talk to a professional, get meds if you need them, meditate. Do whatever you need to do, but know that even though it is a journey that takes effort, you are not alone in it and it’s a valid part of who you are. Your mental health is health and just like going to the gym, you need to cater to and train that brain of yours. Make your brain work and challenge yourself but also give yourself cheat days and days of rest much like if you were to work out with a friend. Lord knows I wouldn’t push anyone I love to do leg day every day so WHY are we doing that to our brains? Let yourself shed a damn tear every once and a while. Put on that sad song or that rom com and let those eyeballs flow like Niagara. It’s okay to be tired as long as your trying. Doing your best could be giving 20% or giving 110% depending on the day and THAT IS OKAY. We all have our struggles and we all have our days in the sun. Let’s just normalize the struggle a little bit more so we can be a little kinder to ourselves when they come and so we can also better recognize it in others to help pick each other back up. We need more picking up these days.
Be kind to yourself today friends,
Em
